...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
