i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
