Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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