This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
