It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
