you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Two words: nipple clamps
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