I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
