oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
