I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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