Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
