3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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