He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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