The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
