She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
