She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize