Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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