woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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