non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
