is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
