omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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