I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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