$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
