Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, he came in my armpit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
