but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
