you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
