Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
