Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
