I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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