yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
