No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize