I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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