i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
