I cockslap morals
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize