You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
