People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize