Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
