i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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