my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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