I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
