i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
