yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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