Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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