she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
