You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize