i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
