And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
