I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
