either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
