he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
