i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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