well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize