i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
