My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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