1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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