I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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