can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
