so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
