Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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