i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
