it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
