that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
