before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize