My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
