Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
