Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
