I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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