Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
