My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
