my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize