He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
