we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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