Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
