I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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