Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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