theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
