put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
