I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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