i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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