I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
