My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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