the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
