So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
