i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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