I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
