I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
