My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
