i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
