Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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