P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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