Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
