At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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