I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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