Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
