are you still at the devil's house?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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