My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize