I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
