just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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