Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
