My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
