You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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