I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
