The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize