I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
