Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
