fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
